No more cake for breakfast.

I was counting down the minutes until 4:00 when I was off work today when I got a text from my mom. She began with “Hey Allie,” and I knew she was either mad at me or something was wrong. She told me my sister had gone to the mall earlier with a friend and that there was a shooter. There was no suspect in custody and my sister’s phone was on low battery. I barely made it through the text without feeling something I have only felt a handful of times in my life. Panic. And even though my mom said she was probably going to be fine, my hands were shaking and my eyes were filling with tears.

I don’t think about losing loved ones very often because I don’t let myself. When those thoughts bombard your mind, feelings also force their way in that we try to avoid, too. The panic never completely settled, but that emotion was quickly replaced with anger. Not even a minute later I was pacing around my office asking myself why gun control is STILL even a question in this country.

If you don’t like what you’re reading and find yourself arguing with me already, I kindly ask that you close this window and move on with your day.

Of the countless shootings over the last several years, some have hit a little too close to home. There was the Charleston Church Massacre, that took place literally 5 miles from my house. My city is still grieving and healing from that one. The Orlando Night Club shooting happened miles from where my best friend lives. Thank God she happened to be safe with me in Charleston that night. And yet, those sobering events pale in comparison to what it feels like to actually have a sibling inside a building where an active shooter is. Every shooting makes me angrier and angrier, to hear people still vying for gun rights because they don’t want a privilege taken away.

We’re so privileged here in America, aren’t we? We can say whatever we want, buy whatever we want, shoot whoever we want, and everyone just turns their head. If you’re lucky, when you shoot up a building you get a ton of publicity and even a little bio in all the newspapers before they send you to prison. We’re so worried about Mexicans finding new homes here, but not so much about innocent people’s lives being taken on a regular basis.

I love hearing gun control arguments, because they always sound like a five-year-old arguing with their mom about why they should be able to eat cake for breakfast.
“OH YEA? Well…saying that guns kill people is like saying that forks make people fat.” That’s right, good job. Oh, except that typically people feed themselves…so this comparison would only work if we were referring to a form of torture where a human is force-fed until they die. They don’t want that fork full of food, or a gun full of bullets, someone ELSE is deciding their fate. When you put food in your mouth, that’s your decision.

How ’bout this one, “NOT UH! You can’t take away my constitutional rights! I am ENTITLED to a gun!” Nothing entitles you to a weapon. Just because I am “entitled” to an hour-long lunch break every day doesn’t mean that I deserve it or that I should take it. Just like how you don’t deserve to carry a glock into a mall or movie theater just because a centuries-old document said you could defend yourself. The constitution was written over two hundred years ago when mass shootings weren’t increasing with time. (Check out the data here. Numbers don’t lie.) People get so butt-hurt about this, and it’s because they’re SELFISH. I want a gun. I deserve it. I need to defend myself. It’s my right. Guess what, this isn’t about you! You’re not the mass murderer! This is about taking guns away from crazy people so they don’t kill our families. Get it?

And my favorite one, “OYEAHWELL! If you ban guns people will still find ways to get them, just like drugs.” Also true. But don’t you think that if guns were illegal, and Joe Shmoe couldn’t go to the store and buy one, and then take it with him wherever he goes, that there would be less mass shootings? Kind of like how drugs are pretty hard to find, unless you’re sketchy and addicted and are willing to go the distance to find them, guns would be pretty hard to find if they were also illegal. Sure, some people would still have them, illegally. But this article says that majority of guns used in mass shootings are LEGALLY purchased. In fact, over three times the number of illegally obtained guns. That’s hundreds of lives that could have been saved had that person not been able to legally purchase a gun.

Point being, any logical person should see that as our country grows and changes over the years, maybe our rules should, too. And maybe you won’t understand that until it’s YOUR sister, or YOUR daughter, or son, or whoever, who’s trapped in a dressing room in a mall with an active shooter on the loose. Maybe then along with all the terrible thoughts and feelings that surface, your brain will start working, too.

My sister is safe, and no one was injured at the mall today. I am so thankful this won’t be part of the statistics. But it’s time things change.

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Me, Myself, and I

I want to be different.

I want to be myself. 

 

A rendition of a particular quote runs through my mind every so often: We are all just an automat of characters. All reading from the same dog-eared script.

Have you ever been walking down the street, or standing in a line with a bunch of other people, all waiting for the same thing or walking in the same direction, and feel as though you’re amidst cattle? Sometimes I have to choke back a laugh, because I feel utterly (see what I did there) ridiculous. My dad will actually “moo” when he is put in this situation, which makes it much less frustrating.

Before I digress, the actual quote (because I loathe misquoting) is by Gillian Flynn, author of Gone Girl. And it’s important:

“I don’t know that we are actually human at this point, those of us who are like most of us, who grew up with TV and movies and now the Internet. If we are betrayed, we know the words to say; when a loved one dies, we know the words to say. If we want to play the stud or the smart-ass or the fool, we know the words to say. We are all working from the same dog-eared script. 

It is a very difficult era in which to be a person, just a real, actual person, instead of a collection of personality traits selected from an endless Automat of characters.”

Spending time alone is surely an eye-opening experience. And possibly my eyes have just opened after many years of being some strange mixture of hating solitude and being terrified of commitment. Being single forces you to spend time with yourself, lots and lots of alone time. Picking apart your thoughts, asking yourself questions, deciding how you honestly want to spend your time. When there’s someone else contributing, you don’t have to always or fully make each decision on your own. Does that make life easier? Probably. Does it make it better? Doubtful.

I feel that majority of my days I spend trapped inside a shell of what society expects of me. I work a 9-5, I wear my make up and hair and clothes in a professional manner, I say certain phrases like, “How can I help you?,” “Have a great afternoon!,” and “Thank you for calling!” Even when I’m feeling negative the worst I’ll say is,”that’s ridiculous.” Even with my friends I base my identity on how my friends view me. We all act differently depending on the people surrounding us and the situation we are in. But what if we were ourselves 100% of the time?

On dates I find myself answering questions solely based on what I think a “cool girl” would say or what I think that particular guy would be into. I dress to look skinnier and try to sit on their right because I think my left side is my good side. I try not to laugh too hard because I hate how my mouth looks. How exhausting! How tiring and worthless it is to continuously pretend to be someone you’re not.

How dull of a life you lead if all you do is follow the crowd. Why would we ever want to be like anyone else when we can so comfortably be?

Finding yourself is a long process. You don’t wake up one day and say, “there I am! Now I can live my life.” Finding who you truly are comes from a long series of situations and decisions that gradually mold you from the inside out. I constantly search for a man to validate me. But being alone forces you re-learn how to be yourself, by yourself, without depending on anyone or anything else to define you. You have to sit with your thoughts and question them. Reflect on them and make sure they are YOUR thoughts and YOUR words before they are spoken.

Speak your mind.
Do you want you want.
Have faith in yourself.

I’m not even close, but I can imagine that feeling of pure confidence and independence must be the most amazing feeling in the world.

“I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well.” –Psalm 139:14

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Consciousness

My eyes were closed and I was leaning so far over in my seat I was almost falling out. We were finally free, heading west away from everything and everyone we knew. I couldn’t see where we were going, and I didn’t care, I trusted him. He had chosen a life with me after all this time.

I kept my eyes closed and my face as close to his as I could get, my elbows on his armrest. My eyes would flutter open here and there just enough to get a glimpse of his face right before he kissed me again. I felt blissfully and completely happy. Him, us, the unknown future consumed every ounce of my being.

I would wait, eyes closed, with my nose brushing his cheek, and every few seconds he would turn away from the wheel and kiss me, almost for too long.

I giggled and said, “Are you even watching where you’re going?”

He smiled, “It doesn’t matter, we’re already here.” He threw the old, white minivan in park, and before I could snap out of my hypnosis he was out the door and in the driveway. My consciousness acknowledging reality like a light switch, I looked down and noticed I was completely naked. He had opened the back door on the driver’s side of the van, and I scrambled to hide behind the bucket seat on the second row and at the same time find my clothes.

As if in slow motion, I looked to the driveway and processed what I saw. There he stood, just behind his wife, their two children on either side of them. They all looked genuinely confused, except for him. He wore a smug, slight grin on his face as if to say, “Gotcha bitch.”

Hysterical, as I began to cry I yelled, “What the hell is going on?! What are you doing?!”

I managed to get my pants on while my panic quickly turned to anger. I hopped out of the minivan, topless, clutching my tank top. I stomped up to him, “I can’t believe you would do this to me! You are the biggest piece of sh*t I’ve ever met!”

He backed away a few steps but I kept yelling as I put my shirt on, “You are a terrible person, you filthy liar!” I stabbed my finger in the air, “your mom and dad are sh*tty people, too, for raising such a f*cking lunatic.” Somehow, I knew that would get to him.

Thankfully I was clothed now, because I couldn’t move. As I stood there, we stared at each other and no one said anything. I realized then that I wasn’t actually angry, I was heartbroken. His expression had changed too, from pompous to ashamed. There was nothing left to do but leave. I turned and walked back to the van.

 

 

 

Here’s to those crazy dreams that happen right before you wake up in the morning.

 

 

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You Know Me

Thirteen days into the New Year and I’m proud of myself for remembering to pray every night before I fall asleep. Well, almost every night. And sometimes I fall asleep in the middle of the prayer, whoops.

I find myself praying almost every night for God to bring me the man He has planned for me to marry. I know full well I am not ready at this particular moment in time to meet that man, maybe not anytime this year, or even five years. I have no idea what He has in store for me. But I know that God has him in store for me somewhere out there, hopefully praying for me as well.

I have come to notice over the years a pattern, which I’m sure many other women notice in time and either deny it or use it to change. I use my relationships as a form of dependency. I use them for constant attention (physical and mental), someone to run to when life gets hard, a form of temporary happiness no matter how long it might last. But that’s the part I always forget, that type of happiness is always temporary.

Someone once told me that every now and then someone comes along and fills the gaps in your soul that no one else can. Even now, as I lie in bed at night, I am asking for someone to appear to fill those gaps in my soul. Many of us spend the majority of our time and thoughts looking for that one person and thinking about how they will make us feel whole. The one person that can love us unconditionally, knowing everything there is to know about us, even the worst parts, and devote their life to us anyway.What we forget to acknowledge is that God has been loving us unconditionally since before we were even born. He is the One we should be asking to fill those holes inside us.

If you have a minute, go and read Psalm 139. Here’s verses 1-4:

“You have searched me Lord, and You know me.
You know when I sit and when I rise,
You perceive my thoughts from afar.
You discern my going out and my lying down,
You are familiar with all of my ways.
Before a word is on my tongue,
You, Lord, know it completely.”

It’s a lengthy one, so I’ll give you the CliffsNotes version. God knows us better than we can ever know ourselves. And no matter how many rights or what kind of wrongs we commit, He loves us unconditionally. He is the only one who can truly fill those gaps that no one else can.

 

What a comforting thought, to think that the man of my dreams will just be the cherry on top of the Love I am already receiving. I would say I can’t wait to meet him, but I can.

 

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Something Bigger

It is both depressing and exciting that I have had this blog for two years. Mostly depressing, especially since only two posts ago did I talk about New Year’s resolutions, and it’s already that time again. I had some really great advice in that post, if I do say so myself.

I’d like to change the theme of this blog from being a “diet blog.” I hate that it took me until now to realize how lame that sounds. Who wants to read about someone else dieting? I know I don’t. I would much rather the focus of this blog be about my journey of bettering myself. Isn’t that something we can all relate to? I hope that anyone reading this is constantly trying to better themselves, which is also a forever commitment, just like the forever diet (gag).

In the spirit of New Years, yet again this year I said I’m not making any resolutions since my list is always the same. Yesterday I caved and I made a list of 2016 Goals, and ways to accomplish them. Here they are:

 

  1. Love God.
  2. Love my body.
  3. Love my job.

 

Really, the first one should be the only one and the rest will follow. The more shit that happens to me the more I find myself leaning on God for support. I should lean on Him no matter what is going on in my life, good or bad, but the bad always pulls me closer to Him and I am thankful for that.

It upset me a little to read my New Years post from last year, as I had successfully forgotten about all the shitty things that happened to me in 2014, since 2015 was worse. You never know what the future will hold, and a lot of crazy things can be packed into one year’s time. But instead of dwelling on the negatives, I want to acknowledge all of the positive things that resulted from 2015. As I said in my post from last year, there’s no such thing as a “New Year New You,” we are all the result of an accumulation of events that affect us. And each event, no matter how shitty, always has some sort of positive side or outcome. If anything, they cause you to grow as a person in some way or another.

In 2015, although my car accident affected me in a number of ways, I ended up healthy and fine. Not being able to drink for a month was a nice detox, and opened my eyes to other problems I needed to address. In February, I went for my property management license, which led to a promotion in March and put me back at my old property that I had missed very much. A slow but gradual downward spiral led to the end of a two-year relationship in September, at which time I turned to my family and friends for support, gaining so much more happiness and fulfillment than I could have expected from those relationships and conversations.

Ironically this new independence; being single and not necessarily looking for a relationship, and also being financially independent, has made me realize just how far I feel from God. When you realize you have to stop relying on other people and situations to make you happy, you find yourself relying on something bigger. This past summer something said in a sermon hit me hard. At the time I was extremely unhappy and couldn’t put my finger on why. The pastor said, “YOU are not in control of your life… Where will you find refuge? Where will you go?” I was so used to turning to my boyfriend at the time, and I knew in my heart that wasn’t forever. I totally freaked, I started crying in church (so embarrassing), and the worst part was I couldn’t identify where the freak out was coming from. Eventually I realized that if I stripped away all the “things” that made up the facade of who I was…my clothes, my job, my friends, family, relationship, reputation… If all those things went away and I had no one left but myself, where would I find refuge? I had no idea, and that simple thought is terrifying.

 

I’m not afraid of being alone, but I do fear being without God. Empty, purposeless, wandering blindly. This year I will find my path back to God and my true self. That’s got to be the best New Year’s goal I’ve ever come up with.

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Whole 30 and Late Twenties

It’s been a good long while since I’ve written a post and I think it’s about that time!

I’ve had this blog for a year and almost 4 months now and continue this battle with my weight…if that’s not depressing I don’t know what is. That explains my long hiatus.

The good news is that I dropped 12 lbs between December 2014 and March 2015 and have kept the weight off!

The more exciting news is that I recently started Whole30, which is a 30 day challenge or diet or cleanse, whatever you’d like to call it, and I am currently on DAY 10!!! It’s definitely challenging. I’m not allowed to say that it’s hard because that’s one of the rules.

Whole30 Rules:

1. You do not say that Whole30 is hard.

2. You do not say that Whole30 is hard.

3. Refuse any and all food and drink offerings from friends.

4. Do not step on the scale.

5. Do not tell yourself you look skinnier. You don’t.

6. You can eat as much as you want, as long as it’s Whole30 compliant.

I made all of that up, but if you’re interested, you can check out Whole30 here. 

The real reason I decided to write this post is because I turn 26 in exactly one month. Meaning I will officially be in my late twenties. Meaning I will be an old geezer. A geriatric. A fossil. A coffin dodger. My retirement literally started coming out of my paychecks TODAY. So I’m doing this diet thing and I signed up for yoga to get my ass back into gear. I can’t give up on myself at 26, life isn’t over! I need my golden years to be my thirties, so I can be a smokin’ wife and a cool mom. Are you supposed to leave your early twenties with a bang? Or should I go peacefully? That seems like a silly question.

Back to the fun stuff. My food has been beautiful lately and I want to share..

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For starters, I got all this at Trader Joes for $40 bucks…

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Sauteed chicken and mushrooms with roasted broccoli.. (flavored water, yum!)

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Turkey burger on arugula with avocado and Frank’s, and monkey salad. (I add cocoa powder to my monkey salad)

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Pork chop seasoned, summer squash and onion sauteed, and sweet potato with coconut oil (one of my favorite things because its so sweet!)

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Rob and I made these turkey tacos one night, just ground turkey, seasoned, with peppers, onions, mushrooms, and avocado on top, in lettuce beds. And yes, I ate 4 of them.

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Sauteed sliced chicken breast with summer squash/zucchini and a salad with balsamic vinaigrette and oil.

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Trader Joes sells these chili lime chicken burgers, frozen for only $3.50 for a 4 pack, they’re pretty delish. This was a lunch one day with sauteed peppers on top and a smoothie made with a banana, gala apple and coconut milk.

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Another chicken burger with an egg on top, mushrooms and peppers sauteed, and side salad.

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One of my favorite dinners, sweet potato on the bottom in coconut oil, sauteed onions, chicken, and a “fried” egg on top.

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What I eat almost every day for lunch: Tuna or salmon with oil and balsamic on bed of arugula with seasoned veggies.

Looking forward to my “post” Whole 30 update when I am allowed to weigh myself and take measurements and see how my body has changed. Fingers crossed all this hard work pays off! I mean difficult! Challenging! It’s not hard.

Cliche New Years Post

Oh look! Another article in your news feed about how to better yourself in 2015. “Fifteen ways to be happier in 2015.” “Fifty Resolutions You Should be Making This Year.” “The Top 10 Resolutions to Make for Next Year.” You can be a journalist, or even a blogger, and have your own writing style without using a list for every single article you write.

#overit #endrant

I’m not making any resolutions this year. That’s right, I’m so awesome already, I don’t need to change myself. Not really, I just think about last year at this time when I made my resolutions, and the year before that, and the year before that. And how they never happened. And how they’re always the same.

1. Lose weight.
2. Stop biting my nails.
3. Exercise more.
4. Eat healthier.
5. Pray more.

[It’s really sad that “pray more” is at the bottom of that list below losing weight and biting my nails. Probably if that were at the top of the list I wouldn’t need anything else on the list.]

None of these things about me have changed over the last several years. My weight and routines have fluctuated but I am still the same person. New Years Resolutions don’t drastically change who you are just because the date on the calendar changes. You change because of things that happen to you over the course of that year, things that you have NO control over.

I sat down last December, much like in years’ past, and told myself I would lose weight, blind to what God and the universe actually had in store for me for 2014. A stress fracture in my foot, a new job, and most recently, a car accident.

Sometimes it feels like the more determined you are to do something, the more obstacles you find standing in your way. Just when I hit a great momentum of motivation I am stopped in my tracks. The accident left me with a concussion, back pain, a gastrointestinal bleed, and a ulcer (in a nutshell). Last night was my first night exercising in 20 days. The longest I’ve gone since my stress fracture. And there’s not much more discouraging than trying to work out in the gym when you feel tired, fat, and unmotivated.

Spoiler alert: people think that a new year means a new start, but the reality is your life continues the way it’s been going! You can’t change yourself, but you CAN change your attitude. Maybe 2014 wasn’t so shiny for you, I feel ya, man. But 2015 might be better for us if we change our attitudes and outlooks. It really sucks to get back in the gym after 20 days of not working out, but exercise is always the better choice than sitting on your fat ass at home! And sure, life may not always go as you plan, maybe you got laid off or got broken up with, but you know damn well those things always turn into something better down the road. I got into a car accident and got a brand new car, see? Case in point! So keep on truckin’ friend, headstrong into 2015.

HAPPY NEW YEAR!

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The Holiday Work Struggle: A Poem.

‘Twas ten days ’til Christmas and all through my office

Were chocolates and cookies and goodies among us

I sit at my desk meal planning and gym scheduling

Only to be showered with gifts and kind gesturing

Gift givers skipping and smiling as they leave

Feeling joyful and triumphant about their good deeds

My grin turns to grimace as the door slowly closes

Knowing the willpower to come will come in large doses

How many calories in two chocolate truffles?

Do I have to count the candy cane and cookie crumbles?

I’ll have to leave work early and wake up before eight

And then run as fast as I can for about three days straight

Maybe if I Christmas shop for an entire day

I’ll burn off that one piece of fudge I’ve been saving for Friday

Then I’ll diet all weekend to prepare for the new week

Because Monday will for sure bring a new treat

Happy Holidays!

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Just Keep Swimming

I was just finishing off a bowl of chocolate chunk ice cream and thought to myself, “I should really post on my diet blog again.”

 

Well, here I am, almost 3 months later and zero pounds down. I could blame it on the fact that I broke my foot running the bridge run, but that feels cheap. After giving up the elliptical, treadmill, any body weight training like squats and lunges, and yes, even spin class was making my foot hurt, I decided to try the only other option, swimming.

 

You might be thinking, oh yea! Swimming’s fun! Nope. I remember being a kid at the YMCA one summer and learning to swim was cool because you got a new colored band to wear around your neck for each improvement you made, and at the end of the summer if you swam in the deep end you got a black band, and only the really cool kids had a black band.

 

I also remember one of the most embarrassing moments of my life when I attended a pool party in 7th grade with all my friends (and by friends I mean a bunch of girls who hated each other, because…middle school), all the guys were doing flips off the diving board. Typical Allie move, I decide to try and be cool, one of the guys, and as everyone watches me, I stand at the end of the diving board, muster up all my gymnastics knowledge and coordination, take a big jump and….belly flop.

 

I also enjoyed boogie boarding in middle school, I would go to the beach with my best friend Brittany and we could boogie board for hours and hours, all week long. My entire back peeled off one summer. Only problem was, without my boogie board I felt like I might drown. The worse part was a few times I got sucked under by a wave and salt water would go all up my nose and down my throat and in my lungs and in my ears and eyes and it was just AWFUL. One of the worst feelings ever.

 

Needless to say my entire life I’ve been a nose-plugger. Any time I jump into water, or even dip my head under, I plug my nose with my fingers. Any time I can’t touch the bottom I have what probably constitutes as a minor anxiety attack. No wonder I put off this whole “swimming for fitness” thing for several weeks, but I had no other choice, and finally one day I just went. I swam 25 meters and had to stop to catch my breath. For the first few times I had to stop after every 25 meters and breathe. Oh, I also had my head above the water, like I didn’t put my face in, so my neck was killing me the next day and I also felt like an idiot.

 

This week, in the last 4 days, I’ve easily swam somewhere around 3000-4000 meters. This is after about 6 weeks of swimming at least 3 days a week, but once I finally got the hang of it, I didn’t want to stop. I know, it sounds just as weird coming out as it does to hear it. I actually found a form of exercise I don’t loathe. Isn’t that bizarre? Now you all think I’m a weirdo.

 

Swimming is nothing like any other form of cardio. The best thing is no one knows when you’re sweating profusely. Your thighs don’t rub together and you don’t have to keep pulling your shorts down. You don’t have to bring a towel to wipe your sweat because it’s dripping onto your bike (but you do have to bring a towel, it’s a pool after all). No one’s yelling at you to pedal faster or zumba harder or hold that plank longer. There’s no music, playlists, or “get pumped music.” All I hear is my inhale and my bubbles. And sometimes I don’t hear anything because my ears fill with water. You don’t have to wear makeup or worry about your hair. The makeup will run and make you look like a day-old prostitute and your hair is in a tiny bun in a skin-tight cap. And the very best part? That one-piece sucks in all that tummy. Oh yea baby, it’s like spanxx for your workout.

 

Now I can jump into water and not plug my nose! That’s a huge deal for me. I could probably also not drown now, so that’s good too.

 

I’m addicted and I just can’t enooouuuugh. I just can’t get enoouuugghh I just can’t get enoouuggh.. .

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Getting Over It

Being an adult is like, the worst thing ever. Seriously.

 

How do we become so convinced that waking up before sunrise, putting on uncomfortable clothes, and driving to a job where we do just about the same thing every day is going to be THE GREATEST THING EVER!?!? That was my mindset in high school and college anyways. I used to think that by the time I was 25 I would be living in New York City working some really glamorous job like managing a fashion magazine. I turn 25 in two months and I’m nowhere close to that, and I think it’s because one thing that causes you to be an adult is drive and discipline. And I just don’t usually have those things. That’s hard for me to admit because I know I CAN work hard, sometimes I just choose not to.

 

My bed is just so fantastic. When my alarm goes off in the morning, no matter what time it is, I hate it. I loathe my alarm with every ounce of my being. My mom used to set the vacuum in my room and turn it on and walk out, granted it was about 2:00 in the afternoon and I was still sleeping. These days I find myself waking up to a 5:30am alarm to go to the gym, and SPIN for that matter! What the heck is wrong with me. I woke up at 5am last weekend to run 6 miles with 40,000 people. So many people. So much running. So early. So. So. Early.

 

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Pretty cool though right?!?! They have a saying that goes with the Bridge Run that’s “Get Over It!” Super corny but, sometimes you really do just have to suck it up and get over it. And I did, and I have been continuing to find the adult in myself and stop whining about how I hate mornings and just get over it and go to the gym. Well, I will probably always whine about mornings but at least my boyfriend calls me a lazy slob a lot less when I get up at the same time he does to work out.

 

On a side note, three days after I ran the super cool Bridge Run, I found out I had a stress fracture in my foot! That’s what I get for not training and pushing myself too hard. So for a few weeks I am limited to only spin classes and upper body workouts, but I’m just going to get over it and do the best I can. I’ve gotten back to the point where if I skip a day at the gym I feel miserable and disgusting. That’s a great place to be because you don’t dread working out every day, you actually feel better and almost look forward to it. Almost. Holding yourself accountable works way better than any friend holding you accountable, once you start feeling guilty about not working out you’re on the right track. So glad I’m back on that track.

 

I don’t know if I will be at my peak of fitness by summer, but at this point I’m happy with myself for trying to be healthier and learning about how to take better care of my body. Find your reason to get up before sunrise and the workout will be worth it! Even if it’s so that you can drink beer that night…..yes, that’s my motivation most days.

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