Thirteen days into the New Year and I’m proud of myself for remembering to pray every night before I fall asleep. Well, almost every night. And sometimes I fall asleep in the middle of the prayer, whoops.
I find myself praying almost every night for God to bring me the man He has planned for me to marry. I know full well I am not ready at this particular moment in time to meet that man, maybe not anytime this year, or even five years. I have no idea what He has in store for me. But I know that God has him in store for me somewhere out there, hopefully praying for me as well.
I have come to notice over the years a pattern, which I’m sure many other women notice in time and either deny it or use it to change. I use my relationships as a form of dependency. I use them for constant attention (physical and mental), someone to run to when life gets hard, a form of temporary happiness no matter how long it might last. But that’s the part I always forget, that type of happiness is always temporary.
Someone once told me that every now and then someone comes along and fills the gaps in your soul that no one else can. Even now, as I lie in bed at night, I am asking for someone to appear to fill those gaps in my soul. Many of us spend the majority of our time and thoughts looking for that one person and thinking about how they will make us feel whole. The one person that can love us unconditionally, knowing everything there is to know about us, even the worst parts, and devote their life to us anyway.What we forget to acknowledge is that God has been loving us unconditionally since before we were even born. He is the One we should be asking to fill those holes inside us.
If you have a minute, go and read Psalm 139. Here’s verses 1-4:
“You have searched me Lord, and You know me.
You know when I sit and when I rise,
You perceive my thoughts from afar.
You discern my going out and my lying down,
You are familiar with all of my ways.
Before a word is on my tongue,
You, Lord, know it completely.”
It’s a lengthy one, so I’ll give you the CliffsNotes version. God knows us better than we can ever know ourselves. And no matter how many rights or what kind of wrongs we commit, He loves us unconditionally. He is the only one who can truly fill those gaps that no one else can.
What a comforting thought, to think that the man of my dreams will just be the cherry on top of the Love I am already receiving. I would say I can’t wait to meet him, but I can.